Love's Labours Lost
by Macbeth Mouse
Summary: James reflects on love lost long ago.
1. Say Goodbye

Time had long since past from when their divorce was final. Their children had all grown up, and had children of their own. James Sirius Potter was proud to call himself a grandfather to seventeen wonderful children, with one more on the way. There were enough wrinkles on his forehead for each of them and then some. Of course, he loved them all more than he could ever thought possible. Even his wife, who had only been mother to half his children, happily took all the kids in as her own. It was wonderful to have such a large family.

There was only one small corner left unstitched in his life.

James had started writing letters to _her_ ten years ago. Pennsylvania Cypher would never get a chance to read the words written just for her. How could she? She had been dead the entire time. Ten years ago was the day she died alone in the hospital. James would have been there for her, but she refused to see anyone. In her elder years, Penny had become bitter and senile, which, in a way, wasn't too different from the Penny he had known and fallen in love with.

Every day, he wrote just one letter, and when he was done, he hid it away from the world. Sometimes he missed a day or two, but never had he missed more than a week. James always remembered to write to someone who once was the love of his life.

Victoire knew exactly what he was doing, but she never asked why. Perhaps she felt the same sort of longing for her first husband, Teddy, as James felt for Penny. They say time heals all wounds, but that isn't entirely true. The wounds of divorce tend to lay open for many years after the fact, and even when they are gone, the people involved still feel a connection to those they used to be close with. Or, perhaps, she just trusted his judgement, and knew that what he was doing had no harm.

On the 10th anniversary of her death, not a single person showed up to Penny's grave. Not her brother, nor her children. James showed up, though. He was there from 10:00am to 10:00pm and began to read to her the letters he had written. Of course, he didn't get through them all, but, he supposed, there was always next year.

* * *

_Dear Penny,_

_I stopped loving you today. You probably won't believe that, will you? I always said you were never one for jokes, even if I'm not joking right now. It's most likely that you still hate me for the fact that I married Victoire, so you think I've hated you, too._

_I've never hated you, to be honest. For the longest time, I just could never let go of the love we used to have. No one could ever replace you in my heart, because you were always going to be my first love. Not even Victoire, whom I've learnt to love greatly, or our grandkids. Did you know that Allen's wife is pregnant? Our little baby boy is going to have a little baby girl to call his own. Isn't that just wonderful, Penny?_

_I'll be blunt here: I didn't write to ask for forgiveness. I know that the things I did were wrong, and I know that I didn't treat you right. But no amount of apologies will ever make up the awful things I did. The reason I wrote is because I wanted you to know that I'm living on without you, and that your family, our family, misses you so, so much._

_I won't ever forget you._

_With love,_

_James_


	2. Saint Peter is Calling

When one door closes, another opens; Allen didn't see things that way and James could sympathise with his son.

* * *

_Dear Penny,_

_I spent the day in the hospital today. Yes, it was the same one you wouldn't allow me to see you in, but my venture was not of death. Allen's wife Annie went into labour today. I mention her name only because you didn't show up at their wedding and might not have bothered to remember what she was called._

_Amanda Pennsylvania Potter was officially born at 12:38 this afternoon, just half an hour after her mother was declared dead. Muggle hospitals bring nothing but death, it seems, even when they bring life as well._

_Allen is devastated. I feel his sorrow as well, for Annie had become a daughter to me. I write to you not to gain your pity, but so you can understand the pain we feel._

_With love,_

_James_


	3. Carry On

In any other situation, James would have broken down at the serious tone in Penny's voice. At that moment, however, he found himself smiling, ad he didn't know why. His heart was breaking, but he couldn't get his lips to curve downward. Maybe it was the song running through his head. Their wedding song, actually. What irony.

"Smug bastard. You're so happy to be rid of me that you can't help but show it." The venom in her words stung, but that only made his smile brighter for some reason.

"No," James said. "That isn't it at all. I love you, Penny, and I don't want this."

"Then why the hell are you smiling?" she spat out. Penny looked very upset, but still, James's smile would not leave him. _It's because I don't want you to see how much this is hurting me._

"I don't know."

Penny looked him straight in the eye. "We're over, then." She turned around and left, slamming the front door behind her.

The divorce papers sate lamely on the kitchen table. That same damn smile refused to leave his face as he reluctantly penned his name. With a puff of smoke, the parchment disappeared, and the deed was done.

James Sirius Potter was single once more.

* * *

_Dear Penny,_

_Allen found our divorce papers at the Ministry. It was a complete accident, but he handed them to me as I am the rightful owner of the documents since you passed. He also found your will, thanks to Sarah. You remember Sarah, right? Albus's daughter._

_Anyway, needless to say, your brother was more than happy to discover you left me nothing. Not that I thought you would, but it still hurt to not hear my name among your final words to the world. Did I really mean that little to you?_

_I'd like to think that, had you not come down with the sickness, we could have been friends once again._

_Maybe someday we'll meet again in the next life._

_I'll be waiting._

_Love, _

_James_


	4. Perfect

The sound of the engine running was what kept him awake the entire drive home. Strange that it wasn't the thought of his wife pacing in front of the door, unable to sleep because she was worried for him. Stranger still that it wasn't his thinking over what his excuse would be this time. A late night out with the boys? No, she would call their wives and ask about it. An extra shift at work, perhaps? Would it work, he wondered.

His red pick-up truck turned into their driveway where he left it to cool. Making sure it was secure, James opened the front door as quietly as possible. Maybe Penny was asleep and wont have noticed his extended absence.

Pennsylvania was waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs. She had a distraught look on her face. "James, where have you been?"

He paused like a deer in the headlights. For some reason, his mind couldn't think of an excuse. His silence told Penny all she needed to know.

"Please, James. Just tell me you weren't where I think you were," she pleaded. James wanted to comfort her. He wished to take her into his arms and whisper to here that everything was okay, and after, they would go upstairs and he'd make love to her. Everything would be alright.

But he couldn't lie to her. James couldn't hold her knowing another had just been in his arms; couldn't tell her everything was okay when it clearly wasn't.

"James…. How could you?"

"Penny, I‒"

"YOU FUCKING BASTARD! HOW COULD YOU CHEAT ON ME WITH YOUR OWN GOD DAMN COUSIN!"

As he tried to reason with her, she pushed him away and ran. In the night, Penny ran away, and James hoped she was safe.

Not that he had the right to know any longer.

* * *

_Dear Penny,_

_Jack bought our old house a few months ago, and I went to visit him today. It brought back some painful memories, you know. I didn't want to ever relive them again, but when I look back, I can see the memories from a new perspective. I can see just how wrong I was to treat you as I did, but I can't apologise for the way I felt about Victoire, only my actions. I don't have much time left before I must be off, so I shall keep this quick._

_I'm sorry._

_Love,_

_James_


End file.
